messages the universe sends

i smile whenever the universe sends me these messages/reminders. they are always timely!  why?  because the universe is always conspiring for your success!

it was timely because it appeared in my newsfeed, right after i got home from a counseling appt. today, we were continuing discussions on this very subject - loyalty in relationship to family, work, and friends. 

it appears the residual ‘stuff’ from a broken or lost relationship - the reactions/responses, what it produces, how it lingers or takes root - is what cloud opportunities for progress, healing. growth.  to a certain degree, i know this. 

whether it’s guilt, shame, fear, disappointment, suspicion, resentment, anger, profound sadness, etc. the culmination can be depression - deep pain and loss.  and when it doesn’t get acknowledged or processed: it becomes grief.  what i didn’t realize is that grief can be crippling and affect current and new relationships trying to bloom. 

thinking about the losses i’ve experienced in my life (mindfully taking breaks as to not overwhelm or dwell) and how the hurt has defined or perpetuated loss… man, being stuck in grief is really difficult. 

so i’m taking my time pondering, reevaluating and accepting or rejecting - as needed. 

acknowledging grief, the impact of pain and loss over the years as been interesting. finally noticing where and how i have been stuck/depressed is slow and awkward. however it’s also cathartic, thoughtful. 

finally, i find it is bringing about some good work on self-compassion and self-forgiveness, as well as learning to let go.  

i’m recognizing who my tribe is and who it isn’t. 

the beauty of this?  there is healing. freedom. gratitude. and grace for the humanity of it all. 

remembering one of my favorite judith hanson lasater’s nuggets: ‘how human of you, how human of me’ keeps it honest. keeps it real. 

i’m also thankful for a counselor that isn’t afraid to compassionately challenge me or my traditional ways of thinking, (so much stems from that maternal relationship - sometimes it’s just hard to see it) but mostly for bringing to my attention that not every single thing is, or could be, my fault. 

change your perspective and you can change your world.