so much more.

tonight (well, this morning…) wraps up my 3rd trip to california in the last 6 months. the origins of my story started quite a while ago - phone calls, messages… etc, (and written a couple blogs ago) but the heart of this journey came when my kids wanted to meet the people that I said we were related to. uncles galore. a grandfather. new cousins. so surreal, yet meant so much more once everyone was on board, it made my heart happy.

september was my initial visit to see what i was getting into.

january was the family visit so everyone had a footing for how they wanted to move forward.

march was a quick - hey lets go back to california. but it was more than that. this past week was just for me. (well, me and Michael) i wanted this week to be like what regular life might have been like if i lived there. so living with my dad and yolie, then arranging dinners with my brothers (one on one) and looking forward to having a siblings dinner (that included cousins)… i dunno. i just wanted some ME time with my DAD and my BROTHERS.

I wanted to learn more. To listen to their stories, their histories. And then to share my gifts. i cooked and i hope i was a thoughtful house guest. i stayed independent but was happy to have others take care of me. The weather didn’t cooperate, but I still managed to appreciate being on the west coast. I almost met my friend for years ago, but that will have to wait for the next time. I’m sorry jill,

I was living my paternal life: breakfast with dad every morning, (thanks to yolie) but holy hell, she cooked way too much every day! Dinners with my brothers - some or all.

I made dinner for Joey and his mom Anna. Rene came, but Kathy wasn’t feeling well. (his wife, my sister-in-law!) But fortunately, we had dinner - just the 4 of us - the night before, so we had “our time”.

My brothers mothers, Anna and Tillie are amazing. Tillie is a fighter. Anna is beautiful and strong. I hven’t had the time I wanted to spend with Tillie. She has so much on her plate these days, but our time will come. I was able to see Anna this trip. I view her like I viewed my mom.. don’t mess with her or her kids. She kept commenting on how I looked so much like Richard’s (my dad’s) sister: Nellie. Or Aurora. I will clarify later. But she showed me a picture that blew my freaking mind. And I’m guessing it will blow yours too. I mean, just look at it!

This blog will not be as long as the previous two. I am content. I have found a family I didn’t know I had. or wanted. or needed. it doesn’t mean a thing to anyone but us. I have new relationship to build. New family to learn about but what isn’t new are the family dynamics. My new family is just like yours. there are issues, troubles, frustrations. There are great relationships, troubled relationships, and strained relationships. Our history is rich! deep! amazingly complicated, yet it’s life.

But what I love most of all? they are all human. How human of me, how human of you. We do what we can, with what we have, in the present moment. I wish I could remember this more.

What do I know right now? I have a DAD. A father. My kids have a grandfather. I have 5 brothers. My kids have 5 uncles, some aunts, and cousins! I have a lifeline that I didn’t know I had or needed. I have faith. I have trust. and I have so much love… we havent even begun to know how far all of this will take us.

Yep. blessed beyond words. beyond reason.