Family Connections
My fairytale continues to be in full swing. And it’s still such a lovely story! I believe this because my heart beats a little stronger, my eyes light up a little brighter, and my smile beams bigger than ever. These indicators tell me that I am definitely enjoying the constant reminders that I have a whole new world to discover with a really big west coast family!!
When i left California in September, my Dad and StepMom, Yolie, invited me and my entire family to return in January for her 75th birthday celebration. So when i got back to Kroft castle, i started planting the seeds to see how they felt about this invitation, and subsequently, who wanted to go with me. Over the weeks and months that followed, my Dad and I texted or talked every single day. Yes, occasionally we might skip a day here or there, but never more than one day passed that we didn’t connect. I cannot describe how that feels. Sometimes I feel my heart melt. And it’s still happening. I love his voice. Sometimes we talk about the weather, or he will tell me to go home! when I’m out and about, or go to bed! since being on the east coast is 3 hours later than it is for him. And sometimes we talk about important things - but not too important - because after all, he is a charmer, and he does make me laugh.
Dad & I
Although I’ve been experiencing a lot of joy & love these days, there are a few things that have given me pause. First, there is one important someone who isn’t here to experience all this with me. My Mom, Estelle. Today (27 January) is the anniversary of her death (19 years!) and she’s been in the forefront of my mind all week. This is partly because my brothers, Rene & Richard, just experienced a tragedy in their family. Their sister, Carol, suddenly died last week. I didn’t get to meet her. She was only 63. Today was her funeral. It’s been heartbreaking for them, their mom, Tillie, their other sister Lisa, and Carol’s family. I know this pain all to well. Here one day, and then gone. It can be soul-crushing. This is why it’s so important to NOT WAIT when something is tugging at your heart. When you know there could be regret… don’t wait. life is too damn short. And then tomorrow, (28 January) my Dad will celebrate his 80th birthday. That’s a lot of emotional up and downs. How I wish I was back in California! And one more interesting thing that happened on 28 January 2022, that’s when i received this message: “My name is Rene. I live is southern California. This says we are half siblings. Let's chat.”. I think these are some serious Family Connections, don’t you? Ah yes, but I digress. Let’s go back to my fairytale.
I think it’s a big endeavor to fly across the country. Even if you find a deal; the basic fares suck. You have to pay extra for seats, baggage, worry about layovers and connections, and take time off from work. and the jet lag! ugh. Then, if you have someone (like Michael!) who isn’t a fan of flying, the energy spent discussing and convincing them isn’t just anxiety provoking for them; it’s emotionally and mentally exhausting for me, too. Add in short term memory loss and the conversations (and cycle) repeats over and over and over again. As time went by, all the kids got on board with this family trip, (one at a time) and at the end of the day, they were instrumental in helping Michael see the significance in going with us.
Anyway, long story short, the flights were booked, the bags were packed, and everyone was ready. We all had different flights on different airlines, but that made it nice for them to have their own mini-vacations, and it was less stress for me, as I could focus on just Michael and me.
Our trip began on Friday, 13 January. Michael and i planned to fly to NYC that morning to surprise Ryan and Alyssa. Back in October, on a whim and after a few cocktails, Heather and I bought tickets to see Billy Joel at Madison Square Garden. He’s a big deal for both of us, Michael, too, Our love for Billy and his music is another story. Suffice to say, we pulled off the surprise (as they both tackled me and almost knocked me over!). We had the best time strolling around the Big Apple, introducing Ryan and Alyssa to all the things that make NYC so cool & memorable. (Michael and I had only one small glitch - which will give us plenty to laugh about and shake our heads at later in life. I’m just grateful Heather was there to keep me grounded) The concert that evening was fantastic and many tears were shed as we sang along to our favorites, and made more awesome memories together! Billy had his own Family Connection happening that night, his daughter, Alexa Rae, now sings with him on certain songs. It was moving and she has a great voice, too! The next day, we left Heather and the kids to explore on their own, and we made our way back to JFK to catch a 4p EST direct flight to LAX.
The Piano Man, MSG
By 9p PST Saturday night, Michael and I were reconnected with our kids. Everyone was on the west coast together for the very first time ! My Dad and Yolie picked us up and we all met back at his house, where we were staying. Everyone was looking forward to the party on Sunday, (even tho the Bills were playing at 10a PST. Thankfully, they won that one. hah) We all knew the time spent on the west coast would be a whirlwind, but everyone was open to it. And now … my whole east coast family has met my west coast family !
Yolie, (Yolanda) is my stepmom. And she is awesome. Attentive to my Dad, caring, nurturing to those around her, and she’s super smart and loves to talk. I felt an easy and comfortable connection to her right away and i enjoy listening to her as she tirelessly works at spinning multiple plates. We could teach each other a lot. She planned, arranged and executed a lovely affair with all her family and friends gathered around her. Like I said, we connect. And I think she’s brilliant.
The party was attended by all my brothers, their families, and so many friends & colleagues of Dad and Yolie. I met several cousins! People were coming up to me and gushing about how cool they thought this whole story is; and that my Dad is so happy that he has a daughter! Talk about heartwarming. After the party, my brothers, some of their families and a few cousins went back to my Dad’s house. Guys: it’s just like at Kroft Castle! Everyone sitting around, talking, laughing, sharing! We ordered pizza and wings and I wished the night would never end.
I know each of my kids enjoyed meeting their new family, too. They have cousins now and they are close in age. The natural connection between Holly and Sarah was just as amazing and natural as Rachel and Sarah’s. Rachel went out with her Uncle Adrian and cousins Michael and Jenna late that night, and a Tesla uber brought her home. how cool is that?! well, i thought it was cool.
new uncles & cousins for my kids!
Jake and his grandfather connected too. I can’t put my finger on it, but they just “got” each other and really seemed to enjoy joking around and laughing. Maybe it was the sunglasses, but they were always smiling at each other. I don’t know what to call it, but it’s there… a real familiar connection.
Jake & his Grandfather
Michael was amazing. He traveled extremely well, and he thoroughly enjoyed meeting everyone, even though he can’t keep the names or relationships straight. He’s in the process of creating a family tree with pictures so he knows who I’m talking about! Every morning, Michael and my Dad would sit at the kitchen table, while Yolie was make breakfast, (doing dishes, listening in on a conference call or planning out the day, etc) …, and they would talk and talk. I think that’s when it all clicked for him. These people, these connections are his family, too.
Joey, Richard, Michael, Me, Rene & Adrian
Before we left on this trip, Michael asked the question of how my mom and dad (Estelle and John) would feel about this discovery, and these new family connections. I wholeheartedly believe my mom would have been on the same plane with us, going out to meet everyone, to see for herself and “check them out” ~ as only Estelle could. I’m also pretty sure she would have been secretly relieved that they live on the west coast, . But with my mom and dad gone, traveling to visit my father in California seems like the natural thing to do. Besides, she’s always with me in spirit.
I believe that family is a term for people who spend the time, who do the work, and who are there for one another. I don’t believe that blood automatically makes you care about someone. I’ve been in a blended family for 30 years now, and from my personal experience… well, that’s another story, too.
I still sit back sometimes and just wonder about all of it. But, more than anything, I’m so grateful that these west coast people reached out and have embraced me and my family in they ways that they have. Now we will become a family. Now, it’s the time we spend together. (Individual 1:1s; or in groups). The conversations, the laughter, the serious talks, the tears and the joy create a connection that is bonding these west coast people to my heart, and to my children’s hearts. We are investing in each other and this family connection. And I won’t wait for some day. I won’t miss out on any more time apart. Some day is now.
